date : 18 January 2010
seaferer's wife is the best women
Everyday I struggle in living a life without him. From the moment I wake up, I think of him. I miss him. I miss waking up with him at my side and with his arms around me and mine around him. I miss our tender kisses as we exchange good mornings and i love yous. I miss our sweet mushy moments.
I usually spend my time day dreaming. I dream of the days that we had together. I dream of the days we will be together again. I dream of the time when we will be both happy and enjoying each other's company, enjoying the bliss of life. I dream of our life together, forever.
Everyday I wait for him. I wait for his call and for his text messages. My heart leaps every time my mobile phone rings, wishing it is him. And most of the times, I am rather disappointed after finding out that it is not from him
I stopped looking at the calendar. It adds agony in my misery to see that it will still be weeks and months before I see him and be in his arms again. I live in a manner of wait and see. Wait for the day to end and see for another bland tomorrow to come. Life is never the same without him here. It is him that I look forward every time I go home, every time I prepare the dinner and every time I end the day with a prayer.
Many a times, I sit in a corner quietly pondering of how difficult life is without him. I live with only two words guiding me through: love and trust. I love him. I love him so much. I vow before God to love and care for him. I love to become a wife that he can be proud of. I love to become the mother who will take care of his children. I love him. There is actually no apt word that can describe of how I treasure him and of how much I love him.
waiting him from sea is always
I trust him. Although sometimes my trust crumbles. Please do understand. I am really having a difficult time adjusting in a life I am not really used to. I am having difficulty adjusting in a life of a seafarer's wife. It is difficult. Very difficult indeed. I smile at people although deep inside I am hurting. People see me happy and contented unaware of my everyday struggles of missing him, of not being able to see him and not even to talk with him.
I trust him despite of sometimes I want to give up. I trust him despite of the incredible and horrible stories I've heard from friends and wives of seafarers like him. I trust him and and I would like to trust him more.
I know that he is having a hard time there too. I pray for him. I pray for his safety. I pray for his love. I pray for our lives. I pray for our future. I want to grow old with him. I want to serve him more. I want to laugh with him again. I want to be with him in this journey called life.
He is my strength. He is my rock. In times I am troubled. I seek refuge in him by just thinking of how much he loves me. There I found my confidence again. The world may turn turbulent but I will always feel secure as long as I have him, as long as he loves me.
I pray that he will not change. I pray that he continue loving me. I pray that he will remain the man that I have known, the man I love, the man I cherish and behold. I love him so much. I love him always and forever.